Same-sex couples are able to get married and adopt a child together, but when they request a birth certificate for an adopted child in West Virginia, they still feel a sense of otherness.
While the West Virginia Department of Health and Human Resources has said birth certificates are being revised, the forms still list "mother" and "father" next to the blanks for parents' names, more than a year after West Virginia officials began issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples and several months after same-sex marriage became legal nationwide.
James White and Jamie Happney have been together for more than 10 years. They are parenting two sons, who used to be their foster children.
Ethan, 11, gets shy when asked about the adoption. It's not clear whether he's having trouble finding the words because it's a "girl" asking the questions, as his dad surmises, or because of the likely confusing and personal feelings surrounding being adopted from foster care, or because he's 11.
However, he grins ear to ear when asked about the day the adoption became final, and he is quick to correct his dad on the month the adoption became final. For the record, it was July.
"It makes me feel good," Ethan said. "... I'm speechless."
Although Happney and White adopted Ethan in July, the word MOTHER is written, in capital letters, next to Happney's name on Ethan's birth certificate.
After White contacted the American Civil Liberties Union of West Virginia, staff attorney Jamie Lynn Crofts sent a letter to state Health and Human Resources Secretary Karen Bowling about the issue on Oct. 13, asking her to advise the State Vital Records Office to make the certificates more inclusive.
"If the Vital Records Office refuses to do so, please explain its basis for listing women on their children's birth certificates as the 'Father' and men on their children's birth certificates as their 'Mother,'" Crofts wrote.
Several states have resisted revising birth certificates since same-sex marriage was established as legal.
But in West Virginia, DHHR does say the birth certificates will change.
Karen C. Villanueva-Matkovich, general counsel for DHHR, wrote in a letter on Dec. 9 that the Office of Vital Statistics had "begun to implement changes to current policies and procedures to ensure that the constitutional rights of all West Virginia citizens are protected."
DHHR spokesman Toby Wagoner said this week that the process had begun several months ago, but "software updates" were resulting in the change to the birth certificates taking "some time."
"New forms should be ready to be distributed in early January," he said in an email.
Hundreds of same-sex marriages have been performed in West Virginia, according to DHHR statistics. The state altered its marriage licenses after same-sex marriages were determined to be legal, making it easy to track the number.
DHHR spokeswoman Allison Adler said in October that DHHR's Bureau for Children and Families did not track adoptions by same-sex couples. She did not say at the time if that was because the birth certificates had not been revised.
Adoptions by same-sex couples have become much more streamlined. Dave Barnette, an attorney who helped write state law for adoption proceedings, previously told the Gazette-Mail the adoptions weren't legal until a U.S. district judge declared the state's ban on same-sex marriage was unconstitutional.
Incorrect birth certificates could have legal repercussions; for example, some daycare or medical providers use them to establish parental relationships.
Crofts said inaccuracies on birth certificates can lead to greater scrutiny or even rejection of the birth certificates by organizations that require the birth certificate as proof of the parental relationship.
"It's also just a way to acknowledge that parents are parents, regardless of their gender or sexual orientation," she said.
She also noted that the Obergefell v. Hodges decision from the U.S. Supreme Court, which legalized same-sex marriage, also addressed the impact that stigmatizing same-sex unions has on children.
""Without the recognition, stability, and predictability marriage offers, their children suffer the stigma of knowing their families are somehow lesser," the decision written by Justice Anthony Kennedy read.
Crofts said the incorrect birth certificates could lead some children to feel the same stigma.
"By use of the current form, children of same-sex parents are being denied access to immediate, clear proof of their relationship with both parents, despite being similarly situated to children of heterosexual marriages who do receive immediate, clear proof of their relationship to both parents," she wrote in her letter to DHHR.
White contacted the ACLU after he handed state employees $48 for a birth certificate, and they handed him a birth certificate that referred to his partner as a woman.
The word Mother was written in two places.
They crossed it out in one place, but it was still written in another area next to his partner's name.
Villanueva-Matkovich referred to "accommodations" in her letter, saying thus far, the State Registrar "has taken steps to make necessary accommodations for same-sex parents and their children."
After being told his whole life that being gay is a sin, White is tired of accommodations.
"I understand you feel that's significant, but it's not significant to me, because my partner is still known as the mother," he recalls saying to a state employee, about them crossing out the word "mother" in one place.
White describes his family as a typical one. They go on beach vacations together, or on cruises when they can. Their sons are mainly focused on Christmas, while White and Happney are mainly focused on their sons.
"Whatever we do that's major, we do it with the kids," White said. "We don't have a lot of dad time alone because we take the kids everywhere with us. That hasn't happened lately, which would be nice, but I'm not complaining either."
He said he understands that a piece of paper doesn't define his family. But it's still irritating every time he looks at it.
"If you're giving me the OK to adopt a child as a same-sex couple, then we need the proper, legitimate paperwork saying we are the parents," he said.
Reach Erin Beck at erin.beck@wvgazettemail.com, 304-348-5163, Facebook.com/erinbeckwv, or follow @erinbeckwv on Twitter.